Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
