We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
