Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
