We won't sleep together?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
