The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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