I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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