So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
