just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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