how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
