I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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