I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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