Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
