FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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