I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The air was thick with penises
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
