You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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