He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
