just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
