i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
