sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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