I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i out mim tonsoeep
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
