Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
