how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come share oat with me in your robe
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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