two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
try to milk me bitch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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