I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
