your parents love me but you hate me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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