I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
