I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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