i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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