We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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