You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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