dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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