When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
