Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
