Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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