A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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