That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
