My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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