I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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