Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
