I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
