i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
