Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
