3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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