they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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