Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
