i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
