ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
