Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
