did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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