Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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