sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
