my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
