All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
