I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
