it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
