I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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