woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
