Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2518) Bad night (1136)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...

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  (440): dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so... http://tfl.nu/5ecd
  Replies (8) Good night (581) Bad night (1921)
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  (310): View more from California

  totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.

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  (310): totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous. http://tfl.nu/lqpw
  Replies (93) Good night (7291) Bad night (2011)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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  (551): do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse?? http://tfl.nu/m371
  Replies (22) Good night (3674) Bad night (740)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".

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  (617): I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues". http://tfl.nu/ykd9
  Replies (13) Good night (3022) Bad night (1878)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"

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  (613): And then she banged "the first Italian rapper" http://tfl.nu/oswg
  Replies (7) Good night (930) Bad night (2276)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

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  (708): Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think. http://tfl.nu/wg4r
  Replies (20) Good night (4101) Bad night (1274)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..

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  (813): Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it.. http://tfl.nu/d0rc
  Replies (5) Good night (1647) Bad night (691)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

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  (863): I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule http://tfl.nu/m3mw
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (576)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!

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  (414): we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally! http://tfl.nu/l12k
  Replies (3) Good night (1361) Bad night (452)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings

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  (306): Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings http://tfl.nu/zw2p
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (280)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt

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  (904): thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt http://tfl.nu/t37k
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (408)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.

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  (732): My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places. http://tfl.nu/xqpe
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (323)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?

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  (973): Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question? http://tfl.nu/0k1f
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (261)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.

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  (802): You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high. http://tfl.nu/uaad
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (167)

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