I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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