Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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