Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days