Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

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  (630): But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino http://tfl.nu/qzo5
  Replies (8) Good night (681) Bad night (2975)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach

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  (586): When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach http://tfl.nu/tgf3
  Replies (24) Good night (3702) Bad night (2242)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5917) Bad night (824)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

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  (231): Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward. http://tfl.nu/juz7
  Replies (18) Good night (7216) Bad night (1960)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

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  (508): i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup http://tfl.nu/58kh
  Replies (11) Good night (1086) Bad night (4433)
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  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

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  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (11166) Bad night (1374)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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  (928): This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/2tuo
  Replies (15) Good night (1061) Bad night (3601)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i cant cry in cvs. not again.

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  (803): i cant cry in cvs. not again. http://tfl.nu/7epn
  Replies (8) Good night (948) Bad night (3632)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.

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  (610): His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here. http://tfl.nu/72ey
  Replies (13) Good night (2149) Bad night (1203)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.

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  (585): Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent. http://tfl.nu/ihl8
  Replies (3) Good night (1581) Bad night (645)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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  (479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (300)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry

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  (406): Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry http://tfl.nu/gx9l
  Replies (1) Good night (869) Bad night (254)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.

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  (403): Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts. http://tfl.nu/53ih
  Replies (4) Good night (693) Bad night (286)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants

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  (615): I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants http://tfl.nu/v0dv
  Replies (0) Good night (628) Bad night (243)
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  (323): View more from California

  Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.

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  (323): Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all. http://tfl.nu/s4jk
  Replies (4) Good night (561) Bad night (199)

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