i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
