She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
