The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.