The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress