We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.