Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not