How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
