I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
