My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
