so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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