Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
