I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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