he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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