I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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