There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
