the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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